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| "Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen?"
Father, I...
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| what more to think about?
what more to care about?
than His Love for us, than His Love for us?
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| to wander: from bad things into good things!
and, to always love! Love!
in beauty.
adjectives in my mind: airy
lightful
plentiful
I have been more me at work in the past two months or so. And by me I mean all the bad things me that I try to hide so much, so hard; me.
I wonder if I'll ever speak of Him, there, again. They all need Him so badly. I need Him so badly.
May something of Him be vibrant in me even if I don't ever come to know it.
a wise in fool's clothes
let me be
for sweet's your humility
let me not know
let me just know Thee!
Life is so sweet.
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| you lose people and you lose them and you lose them. and you lose them for good. they're gone forever in the tide of time, breaking your heart into pieces every time you turn to look back at the big sea that now separates you.
there are things that if i continue to think about, they will break my heart again, and again. So i try to not think about them so much. not too much. i find those things are the ones i pray about the least too. and i keep thinking about them. sometimes my thoughts are prayers, but not these. (why?)
why are past friendships in the past? couldn't they be here again?
(I often wonder if she sometimes misses me as much as i sometimes miss her. )
if people change and you try and do everything to bring them back, and then give up... but why if they have changed do you still miss them so much?
I miss who they used to be and what we used to have.
Why i dwell on what I've lost and not on what I have, I don't know.
I know if Jesus was not here, and b. was not here then I would not be here. I need them to carry me on emotionally;(as that ends up taking the whole of me sometimes, as if i was just an emotional being! yes. emotional.emotionally. i can say that and not be embarrassed. i guess.)
they are the only two people in the world i can cry to and have it make a difference, with them i'll find some consolation. sometimes b. doesn't understand, but christ always does.
I'm such a weeping needy fool! what a girl! what a fool! so even if i don't understand i trust that He does, and that carries me through life.
35Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life;whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.(John6)
see? He's everything to me!
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| the things i say, do they have to make sense? (to anyone but me? if the strength is there, I'd explain myself to B., but that'd be it.)
I want to look like the fool i am to everyone. I want to stop trying to come across as a certain person.
I might have to decide to come on and write out my stuff on here again.
I want to write word pictures and have them be raw and honest. on here. again. even if rereading them would mean feeling embarrassed for myself.
aah. it's just so hard not doing that on here! trying to sound a certain way.
maybe i'll continue this later? my internet time is up.
El reposo de los corazones en las tardes calladitas
El correr, el venir de aquí
para allá-- el allá mio, donde?
donde vas corazón mio?
tan apurado, cansado
Largas distancias, cortas distancias
agotado, así, caído
pulmones mal gastados
mis pulmones malgastados?
mi corazón distanciado?
descansa, descansa, muy
cerca del Gran Río.
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